September 22, 2011
Two years ago, as we anticipated a trip to Mexico’s Lake El Salto, I bought my wife what I thought was a thoughtful gift – a pair of panties. They weren’t lacy or revealing or otherwise meant to tempt the libido – it wasn’t THAT type of gift. Instead, they were Ex Officio’s Give-N-Go bikinis, which the packaging said were “travel-friendly,” “moisture-wicking” and “quick drying.” Supposedly these overachieving underwear could be washed in the sink and air-dried faster than a gar can skin a minnow.
I figured that the addition of these undergarments to her wardrobe meant that we’d have more room for big Senkos, Fat Free Shads and Zara Spooks in our luggage. That idea was shot down almost immediately. She had to have her full complement of drawers with her, no negotiations allowed, no arguments considered.
Fortunately we had plenty of room in our luggage for lures. If I’d been short even a worm weight on that trip I would never have forgiven her. I would have mercilessly compared her to Lovey Howell from “Gilligan’s Island,” who brought along 17 steamer trunks of clothing for a three hour tour.
But now that we’re going to Brazil we’re in a gen-u-ine luggage crunch. You see, the third leg of our journey will be on a float plane, limited to eight people and 44 pounds of luggage per person. That’s TOTAL luggage – not just your big bag, but your carry-on items, too – reels, camera equipment, all that good stuff. Even if I thought I could get away with more weight, I don’t think it would be a good idea. While the plane by definition is a floater, we really don’t need any troubles getting off the ground or any premature landings amongst perplexed Amazonians.
So now the shoe’s on the other foot, so to speak [I tried to come up with an underwear-related analogy, but they were all either NC17 or just a bit off].
Being the giving, caring sort of person that I am (and also very much a person who is afraid of plunging to my death in the jungle), I bought not just one, but two pairs of these specialized underwear. The boxer shorts, that is, not the bikinis that left Red so underwhelmed – I’m not a banana hammock kind of guy. They promise to do laundry back at camp every day, and I’ll certainly bring some other more conventional boxers along, but I think these anti-microbial wonders may end up being the unsung heroes of our trip.